Tipping in Restaurants

I stumbled upon a blog post by a waitress with regular contributions to Slashfood over the past few days. After perusing the comments on that entry, I was inspired to read the entirety of Hanna’s “What Can I Get You Folks?” series along with most of the comments, and as a result I’ve been left extremely disillusioned with restaurant servers.

The vast majority of industry commenters, and the author herself, express a level of entitlement to a minimum 20% tip that I find absolutely disgusting. While I acknowledge that a vast number of states in the US are permitted to pay their employees below minimum wage (often as low as $2-and-change per hour) and subsequently do literally live off of the tips they receive, there are plenty of states that are required to pay at least minimum wage and those servers still seem to feel they deserve a 20% tip for simply showing up and doing their job. A quick calculation puts their earned income then above my most well-paid job in the States–a job that required of me a level of responsibility holding me accountable for government records and the possibility of testifying in Federal Court. While waiting tables is admittedly no easy feat, it certainly doesn’t impose anywhere near that degree of accountability, and it deeply peeves me that a waiter or waitress would feel entitled to that standard of salary based on tips.

When I worked in a bakery, I would say the level of physical and mental demand of the job was very similar to that of a waitperson, and I made just a bit over minimum wage with no tipping–it was flat out not permitted by our owner to have a tip jar on the counter. Even if it was allowed, I would never have expected tips because my job was to provide a service, and that is exactly what a waiter or waitress’s job at a restaurant is to do. The fact that so many apparently feel entitled to at least 20%–even in the cases where they are already paid the same wage as any other “unskilled” labor–is absolutely abhorrent.

It is an entirely different attitude to view tips as exactly what they are: a gratuity given as a token of appreciation and thanks for a level of service that goes beyond what is expected of the employees at an establishment. There were occasional times when I was handed a dollar bill or other relatively small amount (compared to this expected 20%) as thanks for carrying a heavy cake out to a customer’s car at the bakery; this task was not part of my job, and the customer chose to acknowledge their thanks for my added service with a tip. I always viewed that as a truly genuine gesture, and I never had a problem with helping a customer out by offering the same service of carrying products without receipt of a tip. I did my job because that was expected of me, and I would go beyond the expectation because I enjoyed my work and helping people. I expressly did not show up for work because I expected customers to pay me extra for providing them with the service I was there to provide and more specifically felt entitled to a particular percentage of their total purchase.

Tips should not be an expectation. They are not something a customer service provider is entitled to receive. Waiters and waitresses do not have a right to 20% of my bill simply for showing up for work and doing the job they are paid to do. While I will happily entertain the idea of a 15% tip as a starting point in states like NY where waitstaff are not paid minimum wage (something completely inhuman and worthy of discussion in its own right), that is a baseline for simply doing one’s job there. After being enlightened to the attitude it seems most servers possess, I’m completely disinclined to ever consider leaving a 20% tip anywhere. I’m now also inclined to start at a 0% baseline in states like Oregon and California where the servers are in fact paid at least minimum wage. They can earn a tip by doing more than what is expected of them at their job.

It’s particularly astounding because it is quite clear when one is hired what the wage will be. These people are fully informed and choose to take the job at the rate of pay that is offered. They then expect to be paid more. At what other job is this considered reasonable behavior? Where else can one have the luxury of feeling entitled to more than their offered salary? Nowhere.

Tips are not an entitlement. They are a gift. It would be nice to see these servers treat them as such.

Tags: bakery · bill · customer service · dining out · expectations · gratuity · restaurants · salary · service industry · tipping · tips · waitstaff

Written by Melody @ 9:47 am Categories: Food Musings · Linkage · No Photos · Opinions · People · Restaurant Ramblings

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Indefinitely After Un-Relationships

In the course of my usual morning blog-reading on Saturday, I was led to this post by Jill on the winding path of dating when it’s complicated by the fact that you’re a very vocal feminist. While I will be the first to admit I’m (generally, in person) not a vocal feminist in the slightest and quite probably do nothing to help feminist causes at times, there was a particular section that really inspired reflection upon my own path through the world of romantic relationships:

It would be nice to be in a long-term stable relationship, but only in the sense that I would like to find someone with whom I am actually motivated to build such a relationship. In reality, though, I’ve kind of settled into the idea that I will probably not end up creating such a relationship; I feel like maybe that reads as sad or depressing, but it doesn’t feel like that at all. I mean, I’ve never been the person to fantasize about My Ideal Wedding, but I have fantasized about My First Published Book since before I could actually write. … I read all these stories about women my age who are totally anxious about finding The One and getting married, and I keep hearing that women my age have this biological clock thing ticking quite loudly, and even a lot of my friends seem to be feeling like they should be locating their person right about now, and I often wonder if there isn’t something seriously deeply wrong with me not only because I don’t feel any of that anxiety but also because I don’t at all fear A Life Alone. Maybe that will change in a decade — my mother says it will, and then she reminds me that she would be a really great grandmother. But it means that in the meantime, I can get to know a lot of different people without feeling like I’m auditioning them for the role of Jill’s Perfect Mate.

I can distinctly remember declaring to my dad at the age of four that I was never getting married and never having children. Once I got a little older and it became apparent to me that getting married wasn’t the act that created children and it was indeed possible to have one without the other, I began to entertain the idea of getting married as a potential activity in my life someday, but like Jill, I was still never one of those girls who planned out these wonderful, elaborate weddings, dreaming of the day they would walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white dress and recite vows asserting eternal love and devotion.

Instead, I spent hours upon hours going through my dad’s old books of house plans (he at one time owned and operated an incredibly successful construction business), picking out which ones I would someday love to live in: tremendous, extravagant, luxurious homes that would be a testament to my infinite success at whatever occupation I currently saw fit for myself “when I grew up.” I empasize the I in that statement because I honestly only ever pictured myself living in those grand homes. Whenever I imagined days spent in the library reading and writing, hours working out in the dedicated gym room, cooking in the professional-grade kitchen, and lounging on the vast patio by the in-ground swimming pool and landscaped gardens, there was no one else residing in the home with me, partaking of these various luxuries. It was only me, single-handedly enjoying the material fruits of my impressive talents and labors.

While I still entertain the possibility of someday finding someone that is so thoroughly Awesome I can’t not want to share my life with them, just as when I was dreaming of my single life in mansions, I’m not at all put off by the idea of going about my existence “alone.” And like Jill, in the face of supposedly knowing, patronizing remarks about how it’s only because I’m young and doubtless one day I’ll be driven to get married and settle down, just give it about ten years and my biological clock will run rampant and all-consuming, I find myself questioning my lifelong lack of such an interest. Is there something wrong with me that it has never once been an intensely motivating factor and I quite positively don’t ever see it becoming an issue? Is there something terrifyingly strange and powerful that will suddenly turn on out of the blue in about five or so years that will completely change the mindset I’ve had for the past 26?

That last thought frightens me considerably more than the idea of never marrying. I’m quite proud of where my life experiences have led me and the person they have created. I like who I am the way I am now, and I find it absolutely mortifying to think that overnight I’ll turn into one of all the other irrational, unreasonable, and quite certifiably insane women out there intent upon having ridiculously convoluted relationships, marriages, and families. I may not have always been able to articulate exactly what I am after in a potential relationship, but I can assert that the common, expected course of a relationship has always felt artificial and unnecessarily complicated to navigate.

It really disturbs me to think that some Unknown will completely change me. Hell, beyond the whole dreaming of single life in a mansion, even when I played with dolls it wasn’t the traditional Barbie-marries-Ken-and-here-is-their-happily-ever-after. No, I had one Ken doll and about a dozen Barbies. Naturally he never got married, had affairs with all of the Barbies, and–SHOCKER!–sometimes there were threesomes, and some of the Barbies were lesbian! Having children was always a categorically negative thing, and none of my Barbies (or Ken) ever wanted to upset their exciting lives by having to buckle down and raise a child.

And of course, every Barbie had their own expansive, lavish mansion they lived in on their own, but occasionally with whoever was their current fling (or flings!).

These sort of childhood behaviors are what convince me that my lack of a drive to get married and settle down is an inherent, consistent part of me. That the fact that I’m not after any sort of “traditional” relationship is never going to change–it’s not just a phase I’m going through if I’ve been declaring my distinct dearth of interest in it all since I was four! It’s frustrating when people don’t understand how much thought I’ve put into it all, and how if I bring up having a relationship or getting married it is most definitely not because I’ve been bitten by the Insanity Bug and now suddenly want a fairy-tale ending.

I suppose that would be the one thing I am displeased about–the way most women operate has unfortunately set a stage that makes it impossible for me to have an intelligent, reasonable conversation about what I would actually want in a relationship and for what reasons I would actually consider the idea of getting married without the expectation being imposed on me that I’m going to be just as fanatical as every other woman, saying one thing when I really mean the complete opposite. This is probably the main reason I’m not terrified of being alone: I’ve learned it’s much more simple, pleasant, and enjoyable to just never bring any of it up. Why would I bother with the difficulties of trying to convince someone I’m not like all the other chicks when I can enjoy what I have with them without saying anything at all?

Again, I’m sure I’d be thrilled if I met someone who was equally uninterested in all the complicated nonsense people introduce to relationships when they want them to fit a certain timeline and array of specific qualities. Who was so thoroughly, unbelievably Fantastic that my independent, adventurous life would feel somehow less independent and adventurous if they weren’t included. I have the funny feeling, though, that I will wind up quite thoroughly happy with a string of all manner of entertaining, inspiring interactions while I work my way towards that mansion I’ve always wanted…

Tags: alone · children · dating · family · feminism · flings · life path · lifestyle · mansion · marriage · People · quote · relationships · success · un-relationship

Written by Melody @ 9:10 am Categories: Linkage · No Photos · Opinions · People · Personal Reflection · Quotes

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Reproductive Rights

When all is said and done, the biggest issue facing any developed nation today with respect to what is referred to as “reproductive rights” is shaming. Regardless of whether a country instates policies and laws that protect the ability of a person to choose how they are going to approach their reproduction, or lack thereof, the fact is people will attempt to shame them for whatever choice they make.

Seriously people, it’s none of your business what choices people (male or female) make about what to do with their own bodies. As far as I’m concerned, if you would like to avoid birth control for whatever reason, go for it. If you want to try every method of birth control known to man, have fun. If at some point you decide to have an abortion, I hope it’s a simple adventure for you. If you decide not to, again, I hope all goes well. If you then decide you want to have a “traditional” hospital birth, have at it. If you’d rather try a home birth, fabulous. If you want to be sterilized and not have to deal with any of that business, I wish you all the best.

From experience, though, I know that this is not the stance most people take. Whatever decisions I’ve made for whatever reason, people–sometimes complete and utter strangers–have felt the need to voice their opinions on how whatever I’ve done at times is WRONG, EVIL, ATROCIOUS, and otherwise not the decision I should be making. It goes well beyond the whole babies aspect of things–I have a need to take hormonal birth control for medical reasons. At a completely healthy weight and body fat percentage, my body doesn’t produce enough estrogen. Any time I’ve gone off hormones for any length of time, I really feel it. I get more aggressive and testy, my hair gets thinner, I have less ability to concentrate, and so on.

Even in light of a valid medical reason, seemingly sensible people have expressed disdain over my choice to be prescribed and use hormones that happen to have a side effect of preventing ovulation and other reproductive changes, thereby making pregnancy an unlikely event. Furthermore, regardless of a genuine medical need, it’s my choice. You have absolutely no reason or right to impose your shame over personal health choices on me. You choose whatever works for you, for whatever reasons you like, but in no way does that extend to me.

The fact that this whole aspect of existence as a human in 2010 is even an issue is testament to how (the ultimately patriarchal) Western society has determined that people (especially women) can’t be trusted to make decisions about their own bodies. The fact that there even needs to be legislation written and enacted in order to (marginally, depending on where) enable access to various reproductive options is absolutely ridiculous. It shouldn’t be a question–the options should just be there for people to take advantage of as they see fit for themselves. If any legislation should exist it should be to have unbiased information on all options a mandatory part of education curricula in order to allow everyone to make these personal decisions on their own in an intelligent, informed manner.

Fortunately, I’m a self-assured person. People can shame and degrade me all the livelong day for making certain choices and it won’t change the fact that I’m going to do what I think is right for me. When I was accosted by a woman outside a clinic who mistakenly assumed I was there for an abortion pleaded with me, “Don’t kill your baby!” I proudly responded with, “I don’t have a baby,” which is about the most fabulous response anyone could have to such abuse–even if I was there for an abortion, I still wouldn’t have had a baby, let alone be “killing” it.

And honestly, I’m glad I’m able to keep it that way if the possibility is something I have to consider, and I’d appreciate it if you’d mind your own business and let me continue to confidently make decisions on my own about my life.

Tags: abortion · anecdotes · babies · birth control · choice · opinion · reproduction · rights · shame · society

Written by Melody @ 4:53 pm Categories: No Photos · Opinions · People

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Mannerisms

I have a propensity for noticing the little habits people have in regards to they ways they go about doing things. I’ve always enjoyed watching as others go about trivial tasks like applying make-up, shaving, tying shoes, driving a manual car, and so on. I pick up on the way a woman holds a brush as she powders her face, the methodical manner of a man shaving his face, the subtleties of a person’s stride as they walk down the street completely oblivious to the truly complicated process of putting one foot in front of the other.

It’s fascinating to me how much of an individual’s personality is revealed through tiny gestures and mannerisms. I detect playfulness in one, confidence in another, the need for control in yet someone else–all with respect to the way they go about the same activity.

Posture is something pretty much everyone notices. The grand emanations that can be generalized and taught: whether someone is closed or open, self-assured or deferential, lethargic or energized. What I take delight in is the perception of less obvious revelations of a person’s inner workings.

It always seems to surprise people when I point them out. To an extent, this reaction doesn’t actually surprise me–they wouldn’t be subtleties if the person I’m talking to did them deliberately. However, I do find it surprising that I’ve always been the first to bring the mannerisms up.

Does anyone else enjoy such things about people-watching? Do you pick up on little things? Does it occur to you what tiny gestures reveal about other people’s personalities? Are you ever conscious of your own mannerisms and habits?

Tags: gestures · little things · mannerisms · people-watching · personality

Written by Melody @ 6:48 pm Categories: No Photos · People · Personal Reflection

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Talk About Ages…

…since I last did anything with this site. Geez, my last post was well over a year ago now. However, I’ve been craving a writing outlet again lately and decided it was high time to take this domain back to its roots…

When I first started this personal Web site, it was a collection of essays on various “controversial” topics. I’d been inspired by debating units in some of my classes in school (this was high school back then…can’t believe it’s been ten years), and I was tired of running nothing but fansites. Yes, my foray into the world of Web design and publishing was a pair of Backstreet Boys fanfic sites. As a testament to my Web skills and entrepreneurship, however, they did manage to eventually earn a bit of income. At least I was profiting from my fangirliness.

Back to the topic at hand: in the spirit of it’s original form, I’m going to be making an effort to regularly post ramblings about things that excite, delight, upset, anger, and otherwise inspire me. It may be a bit of current news or a blog post from another site. Something experiential that causes me to wax reflective, or a momentary musing others may find more suited to fodder for their Twitter accounts. Regardless of the subject matter, I’m determined to get writing again.

In case you’re wondering, the previous posts here will remain up and open to comments, as always. I see no reason to take anything down just because the main line of discussion has shifted from food-blogging to more intellectual topics.

Welcome back to liquidstar.org!

Tags: content · new beginning · overhaul · site

Written by Melody @ 6:20 pm Categories: No Photos · Site-Related

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